It's funny, some think the 9 months that accompany pregnancy don't come fast enough. They're eager to see their screaming, pooping bundle of joy come out as soon as possible, if not for physical reasons, then certainly sentimental ones.
And then there are those who think of baby as a ticking time bomb. 9 months is a lot of time, but not when they dread the baby that will surely put an end to their freedom days. That 9 months blurs by in seemingly hours or minutes.
Myself, I think it's kind of a blend of the two. I cant wait to see what my son/daughter is going to come out looking like. I think that there's a kind of sense of magic and awe in thinking about what the sum of me and Caitlin's genetics will produce. But at the same time, there's a sense of dread as well. Not so much that my life is going to be over, but more that I'm going to have my hands full with a tiny creature that doesn't come with an instruction manual. I wish babies came with manuals, that would make it all so easy.
As far as life goes, I feel quite the opposite of it being over. I get a feeling it's finally just beginning for me, and that's a positive thing. But still, my nights of sleep being shattered by a creature what shits in the dark? Makes me weary just thinking about it. I think maybe I'll train myself to get no sleep now, so I'll be ready.
The whole experience kind of seems to seep into my day to life even now. I work, but its the kind of determined meaningful work that makes me come home proud, knowing I makes the moneys that supports the baby and mommy. But it leaves me fiercely determined to enjoy the little bit of time off that I get, all two days of it. My days off are now preferably spent engaging in sleep, then going into a trance in front of anything that doesn't require any real effort, like the intrawebs, World of Warcraft, and video games. Not that I'm complaining mind you, but the whole experience has left me amazingly selective of how I spend my free time. Squeeze as much as you can in a little bit of time, you know?
And through it all, I'm still not in a position to complain, nor do I have the desire to. I guess maybe I just feel like everything I do now has a reason, rather than everything just leading up to something, if that makes any sense whatsoever.